Passion

Reading a blog from a fellow blogger made me realize how I've lost touch with a part of myself which allowed me to express myself. I've allowed myself get angry...mad...and upset yet I don't think I've let myself morn losses in my life.
From the time I was little till now, my life has been such a whorl wind. My father pretty much told he had to leave my mom bc he was beating my sister. To a step dad. Having two sister I lived with. Melody couldn't stand me, and Shannon wild and crazy. The house getting more and more dirty and my mothers mental illness getting worse and worse. My mother getting glass shars in her neck from Jeff, which she still has scars from it. Moving every year. Mothers mental illness getting worse and worse. I got made fun of because I was the fat unclean kid...without good clothes. My mother never helped me learn anything for school, and the schools passed me on bc I was nice and they didn't want to put up with me. Only dad I had was an alcholic step dad who was nice but...he was who he was. I had to remind him when I lost a tooth that the tooth fairy didn't come and he'd give me 50 cents. Fighting between my mom and step dad was out of control...my mother tried to kill my step dad with a whisky bottle...and I 1o years old or so, on my knees begging my mom to please drop the bottle...tears falling off my cheeks. My mother did drop it...but every other time they faught my mom would pull out the phones from the wall so I couldn't call 911. Neighbors felt bad for me...but the cops did nothing much. Finally I called my father to just get a break...this is no kids life. I was told I was a little bitch for leaving my mom...then with dad...he put me on a no carb diet and made to walk the streets of down town chicago...where kids called me a fat ass...then only like 12. I was living with strangers. Then we moved to Columbus...there was a school who finally worked with me...and I had friends...but I didn't get use to it...bc dad and his ex split. Threatened with going back with my mom...my grandma took me in...soon after grandma and pa split and dad moved in...I cleaned and did everything for him...while he didn't have a job but acted like he did. Grandpa came back and dad was out....Drinking at the house was always going on and I was the non drinking bartender. I had to watch my cousins or would be forced to move with my mom....for punishment I was sent to my moms...thats when I got lice....I was called a little bitch then too by my grandma...whenever I had "attitude". Convience by my sister this isn't how life should be I was going to move out...but not before all my stuff was packed and I had to get everything out that day...My sisters was no better I was cinderella who had two jobs. My room a mess bc I myself was going through a mental break....I moved with pastor...soon to be kicked out of there...to go into Melodys house....which ended poorly then...to my gf at the time....which then I was cheated on...I thought it was love...I was devistated....then on my own....racked up credit card debt...on ppl who didn't matter...I thought it was fun but really I was a doormat...."friend kristin" got drunk and lost her rocker and callled me crazy like my mom....soon I moved to Berea...just in time to be Shannons doormat and meet Crazy Jasmine...par for the course. Between all the madness I met Kristin who balenced out all the bad...3 years into our relationship...we had a hicup...but we are strong and all my family out of the picture bc I'm tired of head games...and no friends.
These losses are tremendous...no childhood...no real parents...no real ppl in my life but Kristin. For her I'm grateful. I just want to move on in our life and not let these nobodies keep me down...I'm going to try to limit contact and and associating them as family.
I am strong and I refuse to be paralyzed by them anymore....I'm doing...we are doing so much more than they ever will. And we are to each other what no one ever was and always should been!