So this weeks topic in the collab we are in is...a day in your life.
So what is it to a life that separates it from another. What makes a "good life"? This my question to myself.
After watching The Devils Advocate...reminds me how priorities change so quickly. Once I clung to religion as if it were my saving grace. Now I realize people use religion to find strength in themselves...otherwise would be unfound...nothing wrong with that. Without the purpose religion gives oneself...then what does someone live for? Is it easier to believe some guy in the sky is why we are alive...and oh one day it will be so great, there will be gum drops rainbows and butterflies. Maybe I am just a skeptic. Finding the answer in "god" goes against our nature to question---or maybe for some "god" is found when questioning.
I myself wish I could be spiritual...maybe it would make my soul feel more alive. Maybe I in general have lost touch thrill in the human experience overall. Being hurt and feeling unloved by my own family make you feel a little less and numbs myself. I am trying to overcome the anger...so it doesn't consume me. I know the anger I feel from all the wrong doings...is really hurt. My anger still allows those who've hurt me to still have a say...still have control. Slowly I hope to let go a little more. I know holidays, birthdays, graduation, and starting a family will tear open my wounds where scars have begun to settle. I just can't allow others to treat me less than or have stipulations to our relationships.
My depression is not currenlty overwhelming...but the clearity of my thoughts are often hard to get to. My words are drawn out and finishing sentenses are hard at times. Medications didn't help much, so I don't know the right direction to go in.
These blogs I know will be random...but it is an outlet to sort out life...and write what I feel...right or wrong.
No comments:
Post a Comment