Life is so hard to balence. We try to save everyone, once my pastor told me I am not the savior. Maybe it is right, but how do you cope with your mom and step dad simply being uneducated...would rather spend money on smokes, caffine pills, and cable. They are so wimsy with their limited means and would rather not have garbage serve or my mothers bipolar medication...and not a thing in the frigde. I couldn't imagine looking forward to the food bank and rejecting help...bc they refuse to change.
Is wrong for me to expect my family to change? I feel horrible bc I feel little connection to them and almost feel distain. How can some people be so dirty and hords...and refuse to grow up.
Why is it that my family can call if they need help, but I never get a hey how are you. I can't remember when I spoke to my dad-bill last. He messaged me on facebook recently just to ask for vicodin...as if I have those. I feel he's a low life pill popper. My whole family is disfunctional.
Maybe the problem is me...maybe I'm a judgemental little witch. But how much can you give without even a hi.
We try to protect people in our life to save them hurt...but while trying not to have secrets can be tricky. Is the lie of omission better than what actually is said. Lose lose....I just need to work with this trainer and forget my former family.
I am motherless
I am sisterless
I am an adult opthran...
Maybe goodbye will heal my hate, because being close only is making me more hateful.
That is all for today I need to get to class.
